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ADULT TRUTHS
(sent from the internet)
1. Nothing stinks more than that moment during an
argument when you realize you’re wrong.
2. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to
nap when I was younger.
3. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
4. How the sam hell are you supposed to
fold a fitted sheet?
5. Was learning cursive really necessary? Why isn’t it
being taught today?
6. MapQuest really needs to start their
directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know
how to get out of my neighborhood.
7. Obituaries would be a lot more
interesting if they told you how the person died.
8. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t
at least kind-of tired.
9. Bad decisions make good stories.
10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes
a moment when you know that you just aren’t going
to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes
after Blu-ray? I don’t want to have to restart my
collection... again.
12. I’m always slightly terrified when I exit
out of Word and it asks me if I want
to save any changes to my ten-page
technical report that I swear I did not
make any changes to.
13. I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone
just so I know not to answer when they call.
14. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
15. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any
given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin
with Miller Light than Kay.
16. I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing
option.
17. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between
boredom and hunger.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say “What?”
before you just nod and smile because you still
didn’t hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line
of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at
the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants
never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble
locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell
phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but
I’d bet everyone can find and push the snooze
button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes
closed, first time, every time.
22. The first testicular guard, the “Cup,” was used in
Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in
1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to
realize that their brain is also important.
(Ladies.....Quit Laughing!)
Life just gets better as you get older doesn’t it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach
started rumbling and I realized that I desperately
needed to “ pass gas” in more genteel terms. The place
was packed, but the music was really loud so to get
relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my “ releases”
to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I
started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and
noticed that everyone was staring at me…. I suddenly
remembered that I was listening to my Ipod!
…and how was your day? This is what happens when
old people start using technology!
For Your Funny Bone
